I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
