i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
His nipple licking is glorious
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