I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
