I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
