Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
