you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
