dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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