I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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