First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
