He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
