Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
