no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
