During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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