I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
