She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
