When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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