I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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