He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wear drunk well.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
