I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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