he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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