is your mom at the bar?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
