Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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