My nipple is on Facebook.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
handjob tips. give me some.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
