Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
