You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
