I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
