I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
