He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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