Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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