so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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