tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
