$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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