ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
