Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
