But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
