Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
