dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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