I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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