Only a mothe r could love this liver
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
