I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
