my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
