I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
