So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
