Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is Oprah even human
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
