im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He shit in the fireplace
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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