There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
