It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
did you just send me my own nude
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
