I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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