Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
