i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
pop tarts are not kleenex
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Found your dick twin last night
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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