I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
