your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
