I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
