wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
