my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
