She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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